When I Saw This Picture

I knew 2 things:

1. This is a picture that would make Misty laugh

(and I know exactly why...in fact sometimes things are funny not because they're funny but because for reasons unexplainable they are things that would make Misty and I laugh...case and point Ames last night which is why I took the picture that I did)

2. This is a picture that my mom would look at and then later email me that I am the same little girl at 26 as I was when I was 4, 6, 12 (you get the point) and then she'd tell me this picture would make her want to just hug me. (**Kind of ruined it huh, mom? I'm sorry.)

If I know anything it's Mom and Misty. 

What do you say guys, am I right?

Words I'm Going to Start Living By

This weekend I had a big. fat. epiphany.
I was pondering on some things that I was watching someone else do...and I realized that in my own way I do it too. This quote came to mind:

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us, it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others. "
--Marianne Williamson

I'd just like to discuss some of the aspects of this quote that go hand in hand with what I've been thinking.
Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that others won't feel insecure around you.
How often do we do this?
How often have I downplayed some of my blessings.
My wonderful family, friends, and yes husband.
Somehow sometimes I feel bad that I have these things.
Or that I've taken a vacation.
Or purchased something new.
Or done something fun and exciting.
At work, I really try not to play small too much.
I will tell my boss when I feel like I've been successful or done something right.
He's actually taught me to do that...to toot my own horn, if you will.
And I'm learning...at work.
But I still downplay my personal life.
Quite a bit. I feel bad that I love my husband and would rather spend time with him than the "girls." I either feel like they'll think I'm dumb or they feel like I am still a newlywed and eventually the honeymoon will "end." And so I don't really express how much fun I have at home with Zach or how much I like spending time with him.
But really, why not?
Who am I hurting by covering up my happiness?

I feel guilty sometimes that I still have good girlfriends from before marriage.
There's a different kind of relationship there, and I definitely think it can leave others envious at times.
I sometimes have felt bad about sharing Misty's position in my life. That we are the best of friends. For forever.
So I've been known to consciously tell someone something like, "But I don't see her that often. I'm a bad friend."
To water down the beauty of our friendship.
And I've done it knowingly.

When I talk about other friends, I feel like I downplay their importance in my life.
And more importantly, my love for them.
I love differently, but there's something to be said for the love I have for Misty, Jonnie, Sarah, Natasha, Jennifer, and Aleisha.
Some of that love goes beyond a family kind of love.

Why?
Why shouldn't others know about my blessings?
Maybe they'd be more comfortable sharing theirs?
Or maybe they'd look for them more?
Or perhaps they'd seek some of the things I have?

I know that I have friends that are very ambitious in their work.
Or maybe they're really good with their money and are very deserving of the things that come their way as a result of the choices they've made.
I know that I could feel envious of them and just bad about myself for all that I'm lacking.
But if I'm ever aware of my blessings and I let the beauty of my life shine.
I think I'm just more likely to come home and tell Zach that I want more.
More out of myself.
More discipline.
More education.
More ambition.
Not necessarily this minute, but I'm not done.

And if we all help each other to keep from settling.
To keep from using that awful word: content.
Wouldn't that make the world a better place?
Wouldn't we truly be serving the world?

I think so.

What's worse than being content is to be blind to your blessings.
To publicly deny them.
That's just plain ugly.

I don't know about you, but I think I was meant to be beautiful.
I want to be beautiful.
So I think I'm going to try a little harder...to let my light really shine.

In Love

When I first met him

(picture taken...Late October '08--just startin' out. As in JUST starting out...this was our FIRST time alone in a car together. I love it!)

I could not get enough.
I mean seriously.
I checked my phone as frequently as I possibly could for text messages.
I would leave work and race to wherever he was.
I would stay with him and barely be able to pull myself away at the end of the "night" which sometimes--err most of the time--wasn't really night anymore.
All I could think about was Zach.
And marriage hasn't strayed far from that path. Honestly.
I still wait for his text messages--although they are less frequent.
I still can't wait to get home to him or for him to come home to me!
And I have the HATE saying goodbye whether it be in the morning, after the weekend, or after a long vacation together.
I still cannot get enough.

Well...

Move OVER Zach!
There's a new love in my life and I cannot get enough...

You may think I'm being silly, but it's true.
I was driving home yesterday after visiting with/holding Gracelynn for a while.
The only thing I could compare my obsession to was my love for Zach.
I love getting texts from Misty. Whether they're pictures of Grace (which are the best!)
or her telling me what Grace weighed at her latest check up.
I want to see her all of the time, but I don't want to be too overwhelming.
And I seriously have the hardest time leaving.
I could stare at this baby forever. She is perfect.
She is so tiny, and beautiful, and perfect.
She is also sweet...because you can just tell these things.

And I love her.
I cannot get enough.

And guess what?

I get to see her tomorrow!
And I CANNOT wait!

We're Back

We had a great time!
Our return is bittersweet.
Today I found myself wishing I were here with him.
A lot.

And then I was thinking about us here.
And this picture just makes me laugh
(and I am wearing a suit. The strap is a halter and it's small and the suit clearly does NOTHING for my chest. I know. Fail.)
And then it made me sad.

But then I thought about how Grace is here!
And how I love her for waiting for me.
And how I love her even more for coming on Mother's day!
And how she's just the most beautiful, sweetest thing EVER.
And how I just want to get back over to Misty and Ken's so that I can look at her some more.
I think I am obsessed.

Isn't she beautiful?!

I can't believe she's here.
I can't believe Misty is a mom.
I am thrilled!

Grace is here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Letters-Letter to your Best Girlfriend

Hopefully Misty will forgive some of the pictures and hopefully you'll forgive the abundance...I just couldn't post about this without showing some snapshots of our history.
Dear Misty,
I'll start by telling you that my eyes filled with tears as I looked through all of our pictures.
You are one of the greatest blessings in my life. I look back on our past tenish years together...WOW...and I think how rich it has all been.

How truly full of love and fun my life was. Especially in high school and college.
I would do both of those all over again.
Just because of the beauty of our friendship.
Thank you for being my friend from that first day in Mr. Gross's math class.
Thank you for every single project in English.
Thank you for listening to me ramble on and on...endlessly about Kamron.
More importantly, thank you for supporting it. For keeping my hope alive.
That was a true act of friendship.

I love you and I love us.
I love our history.

Do you remember :
"Penis in the pants?"
Rushmi?
My rated R movie moment?
The girl who was going to bring sodas to the party in British Literature?
Joseph? Did we go to a movie with him after the semester was over...or was that just me?
Biology and the two girls we became friends with?
Playing hangman during biology?
Meta phase 2?
Misty Blake is that you?

Do you remember:
Friday lunches?
Thomas?
"The last thing I want to do tonight is fight with the two of you?"
Sting?
Our confessional?
"Fields of Gold" being the soundtrack to the video from the apartment?
"Maybe that's my problem"...in reference to milk. Angie said it.?
Angie's dishes in the sink?
EATING?!?!?
Reading our high school notes in Rushmi's class?
Writing our papers for Mrs. Rickett's class?

Do you remember:
Best legs and best hair?
Me groping you during our interpretive dance senior year?
Dance party in the parking lot?
The singles dance...when you were Mormon?
Or the singles dance with Dan and that guy that came diagonally (and quickly) across the room to dance with me...just my luck :)
Secret hope?
Scott's going to be a little late to class?

Do you remember:
"I think we need to get a plant"
"I was just getting a drink of water"
"I thought you said we needed to get out of the projects."
Laughing on the kitchen floor?
Punk'd?
The Osbornes?
The Real World?
Real World Road Rules Challenge?
Do you remember every single conversation about every single boy I thought I might end up marrying?

Do you remember:
When I called you at 3 a.m. to tell you that I officially had a boyfriend?
And then you texted me a few days later saying: You are in a relationship with Kamron Eck?
It was really cute of you!
When I told you that I didn't have a boyfriend anymore?
A few dinners at Texas Roadhouse?
You and Ken dancing with me? Without alcohol?
That was also really nice of you.

Do you remember this night with Dan?

Do you remember?
Singing the Rent soundtrack on New Year's Eve and Ken getting annoyed?
Dancing on the bar at Shakers with Tammy?
Naked Chinese Firedrills?
Naked car wash visits?
Naked runs through the high school soft ball field?
The naked summer?
Summer Catch?
Moulin Rouge?
"I'm moving to San Fransisco to work for Uncle Richard?

Do you remember:
How dirty I was?
And how fat I was?
Your fight with Dan?
And you laying in the hallway and kicking Angie's door?
Shari's?
Getting kicked out of Shari's?
Watching the Village?

Do you remember:
The library make up days in high school?
Our spring break trip to Boise?
Me breaking the headboard?
Our impromptu stay at a motel because there weren't any movies playing?
How annoyed your mom was?
How funny you were as you rolled your suitcase down the driveway?

Do you remember:
Laughing really hard at the above picture because we looked like we had been partying?
Every witty walk shirt or walk thought we've come up with?
Every walk period.
Crying when we see people's shirts on the walks?
Our traveling pants?
Floating the river?
Mary and Rhoda?
My child?
Mona?

Do you remember:
Me helping you into your wedding dress?
And you helping me get into mine?
The bridal showers?
The dinner dates?
The funerals we've attended for one another?
Every tear?
Every text?
Every prayer uttered on the other's behalf?
Every I love you?

I do. And I remember so much more.


Our memories bring a smile to my face and often make me laugh.

Our more recent memories are definitely more subdued, but no less amazing.
They include a text message with a picture of your positive pregnancy test.
You don't know this, but I was dancing around the house all morning.
"Misty's pregnant. Oh my gosh, Misty's pregnant. This is huge. This is life changing. This is huge." I seriously probably said, "This is huge." at least 20 times. Which is funny now.

They include getting to feel Grace kick...once.

And laughing with you about playing "Will I Lose My Dignity" during your labor.

Our lives are a little more settled now.
But I have a strong belief that neither one of us would be as settled, as happy, or as ready to face the changes that we've faced or that lie ahead...if it hadn't been for such a free-spirited time in our college days and prior. And for such an abundance of love and acceptance.
We truly lived.

We have laughed together.
We have definitely cried together.
We've hugged one another.
We've fought.
We've been competitive.
We've shared school stories.
And crazy people in our lives stories.
And we tell each other that we are in the right.
Not just because we're friends, but because we really are.

I love us because:
We are not afraid to compliment each other's boobs, butt, or any other body part.
We can often times communicate in one word descriptions
Do I look like "the apartment?"
That was during the "Rent" period.
That was during "Ryan."

We can also send either first or first and last name texts to one another.
That means we just saw that person.
And we know exactly what that means.

We can talk about our fatness in the past and it's not the least bit offensive.

Even though we see each other less we love each other the same.
We love the same, period.

I always want to see mediocre horror movies with you.

Or cheesy teen romance flicks with you.

I always want to make you read the book I just read, regardless of whether or not it was actually good. Just so I can talk to you about it.

I can always tell you when I'm having a bad day.

I love you because you are family to me.

I love you, Misty. Thank you for so many memories!
Thank you for being the friend that you are. I am so blessed.
I know I'm not the best at being around or leaving the house for that matter, but I am always here and I love you SO SO much!

My New Favorite T-Shirt

Courtesy of Austin and Natasha.
It reads:
Real women love the South. The rest marry Yankees.
If you didn't know...I do have a sense of pride being married to a Georgia boy and all :)
Even though I'm more southern than he is...more on that later...

Point: I love this shirt.

Nicknames

I have had a lot of them in my short little lifetime.
Including:
Shar
Rufie
Parsley
Parslet
Sharlotte
Fat
Ham
Fat Ham
Hamlet
Davidson
Daves
Mona
and
Sparky.
The whole reason for this post is that I just remembered Sparky yesterday.
I honestly don't remember how that came to be.
I do know that I used to get notes left on my bed in our first apartment from Misty addressed to Sparky.
And I can't quite remember if there was just talk of getting me dog food for Valentine's day or if it actually happened.
I do know that I was at Target when I had that random memory
and I grinned like a fool.
Our history is so incredibly beautiful.
I love it.
I also love every single nickname.
Including Sparky and Fat Ham.
They mean I am loved.
Really they do.

Naughty or Nice

Well, I had an awesome bridal shower. I just wanted to share a FEW (maybe more than a few but definitely not ALL the pictures from my shower)--especially for those of you that couldn't make it. I feel so blessed, Misty had an awesome theme that she really did a great job with. It was a lot of fun and I felt blessed by the people who showed up to show their excitement and support!

Here's the gift table and the theme...

This is the "nice" side

This was the "naughty" side ;)


Playing games(I put these in backwards, technically this was the last game but oh well) This was a game where I had to answer questions about Zach. If I got them wrong I had to put a JUMBO marshmallow in my mouth. It was actually gross by the end. There were 21 questions or something like that. I did OKAY.

This is me at the end, however, keep in mind some of the mallows had dissolved by then. After all, it's just sugar, EW!

The guests played the traditional, 'make a dress out of toilet paper game' There were three teams. All did great, but you have to truly appreciate the work done here!

This one was good!

This one just made me happy! :)

I chose this dress as the winner. Here all of the group is...nice work ladies! :)

All of the brides! :)

Gift time!

I don't know, but it made me happy :)

Jessica gave me this AMAZING soft robe that really made me tear up. It's in purple and everything. I can't wait to wear it!

Mom of course, gave me sheets!

As you saw, there were many more gifts. You also saw the theme, I will keep the others just between the girls and myself...oh and maybe Zach eventually ;)

Thanks for an awesome shower, Misty!! And for everyone who attended. It was really great, I truly enjoyed it, and it meant a lot to me. It was a much needed mini, girls celebration!!!

*One thing I didn't get a picture of, but I thought I did was the cupcakes. Misty made 'Naughty and Nice' cupcakes. White one with white frosting (I can't rememer what was on them? :( But then the DARK (stain your teeth dark)chocolate cupcakes had red bras and thongs on them :) It was all very creative! I was very impressed by Misty's thought and creativity!

Fat Dog Poll!

Okay…time to vote people! Jonnie has always referred to Cara’s dog, Precious, as the “fattest dog EVER!” Funnily enough, Jonnie is actually the owner of the truly fattest dog ever. So I have posted a poll…please view the images and cast your vote! I’m sure Jessica would rally right with me in BEGGING you to prove Jonnie wrong…because life according to Jonnie says these two things (and so much more): Precious is the fattest dog ever and Jonnie is ALWAYS right…

A thin Precious relaxing on the couch
Henri and her daily routine...

Alright! Time to vote cast your vote on the right hand side of the page :)

(P.S. For the record, I ADORE Henri..honestly. We bonded once during a BSU football game and I really do love her :)

Celebration!!!!

Thank you, Zach! For the past six months and counting ;) I love you!

All of our friends surrounding Johnny as they mock his "elboobs"

Kisses...Our Candy :)

For those of you who have not had the pleasure of hearing the story...I'm going to share it with you right here on my blog! Basically...six months ago (Sunday evening of conference weekend in October) I got a call from my friend, Jen, inviting me to game night. I had been babysitting all weekend and never quite did my hair or makeup. I figured it was just going to be the same old crowd...I managed to pull my hair together just a little and apply a small amount of makeup before heading out to Jen's...as game night is something I can rarely turn down. It's truly one of my favorites!!! :) I walked into game night that night and my life literally changed forever. Enter Zach: poker playing, good looking, returned missionary, with a love for competition, and a distaste for BYU! Hello perfect! :) At least that's what I thought...there's much more to our little story...little details that sort of signify (at least to us) that it was meant to be. If you want to know...ask..we're happy to share! October was ...as I once described...a roller coaster ride. I was upside down, all turned around, and couldn't have been more happy! Our connection immediately took off! We saw each other at game night the following weekend, Zach came to hear me speak at Stake Conference with all of our friends, and then he I invited him to play poker with mine. We spent that weekend together. Eventually the weekends turned into weekdays. The man had me up until 4 a.m. on some school nights! By Halloween we were seeing each other just about daily. He took me by surprise and I'm sure glad he did. We've had a good time over the past six months. We've become very good friends and I love him! I think what surprises me most is how different it is...compared to how I thought it would be. I have always been a HUGE fan of my alone time and my own space. So it astonishes me sometimes when I have such a hard time saying goodnight or how I will sometimes stay up much later than I should just to have a few more hours or even minutes with him. I know this sounds corny and cheesy but it's true...and he's already heard it all :) In the past six months I: moved out on my own, lost my Grandma, celebrated the holidays without my brother, and had many additional stresses in my life. Zach has listened to and seen me through it all. He listens to stories about my brother and to this day still lets me cry to him about Gram (and truthfully knows that it will probably never stop happening). He lets me vent about school and even puts his two cents in on standardized testing. He helps me grade/enter grades in my computer. He knows some of my students by heart and he knows some of their nicknames :) He makes me laugh when he helps me with school stuff which sometimes makes the grading something to look forward to almost. He's visited my class and they all love him. They're so supportive. I occasionally will have a parent that will ask me when I met this "Zach fellow" :) He's become a part of our family. My dad LOVES him (I honestly HONESTLY think more than he loves me...not even joking), my mom loves him, Cara loves him, Grandpa likes him, and Grandma liked him, too. I have a pretty good feeling about Shane liking him. I have been welcomed into his family with the same love and acceptance. His dad even came to my classroom to talk to my kids about the Revolutionary War (I have pictures to post with that later on). We leave to visit his family in Georgia at the end of May (SOOOO excited about that!!!!) Anyhow...I think conference weekend will now hold an even more special place in my heart. So this Sunday I hosted a celebratory game night at my little townhouse. It was a really good night. We invited all of our friends. We made sure to invite everyone who was there that first night (and those that weren't). We had quite a few of the people from that very first night (Zach, Me, Jake, Jen, and Johnny) I don't know who was missing aside from Tara and I THINK Ashley. In addition, Brady, Dave, and Austin all showed up. I want to express my thanks to them for joining us on this adventure! We still play games and see these people quite a bit and they've been nothing but happy for us since the VERY beginning, honestly! What a gift! Here are a few pictures of our little gathering...hopefully more to come in the future! :) I just want to express my gratitude...I'm so grateful that life doesn't always go according to my plan. (I know I will absolutely EAT those words later but they're working for me right now :)