Okay everyone! All who read this MUST visit my friend Cody's blog. I have a link listed on my blog...just click it and visit his page. You need to read his blog titled "Dance Lessons" it's amazing. AMAZING. In fact, most of his blogs are, I am a huge fan of Cody's writing! Visit it and read it. You will NOT be sorry.
Enjoy!
Saturday, January 24, 2009
Monday, January 12, 2009
Despite everything, I believe that people are really good at heart."--Anne Frank
Okay so I don't know how to "blog" this well but I'm going to try. So...we all know that my life took a rather drastic turn over the holidays. In fact, I would say it's been turned upside down and I'm still a little in denial that it happened at all. I lost my Grandma. Not only a piece of our family missing but I'd say it's actually the framework that's been taken. The morning that it happened I think I may have been in shock or just hurting too badly to actually display it all. In fact, I would say that's how it still is. The loss I feel is entirely too much, so I think I take pieces at a time and deal with them. I don't think I'll ever stop missing her. I shouldn't. She was absolutely one of my best friends and such a staple in my life. She was an escape and a strength that I won't find anywhere else...and wouldn't want to if I could. Nonetheless I do have a strong faith in eternal families and do believe I can be with her again. In the meantime, however, I'm going to keep talking about her, telling my kids about her, crying over her, etc. The loss of my grandma is not the purpose of this blog, though. The purpose is to tell you that, in case you didn't know, people are good. People are so good. I just needed you to understand my devastation before continuing.
The morning that we lost my grandma is a memory that I try to forget. It was painful. Our family was crammed into a waiting room that the hospital staff convinced us to visit, probably because we were making visitors uncomfortable as I sat, doubled over, in front of the elevators (somehow social graces escape you at times like that). We took turns hugging, bawling, remembering, in this little room. As we did so we were able to visit with two ministers from the hospital chapel. They talked with us and asked us questions about my grandma. They knew that we just needed to tell them who she was. They asked about her relationship with each one of us. They offered us comfort. Yes, I know it was their job, but they went above and beyond.
The nurse who gave us the news was aching, and it was clear. The nurse on duty in my grandma's room followed my mom and I out to hug us as we left the hospital that morning. She told us she was so sorry. She didn't have to do that.
I had called Misty and Zach and I had been texting that morning prior to even going to the hospital. I called Misty and she cried with me. I texted Zach and he was at my house waiting for me before I even got there. He is a new addition to our family and he stayed with me all day.
Ken texted me his condolences. Jake and Tara texted me their condolences as Zach filled them in. Natasha and Austin texted Zach to let him know the situation and to see how I was doing. Mind you, I have not known them long, at all. Texts may seem informal, but it's just that someone says they're sorry. Just acknowledging that I lost something meant EVERYTHING to me at the time.
We spent the day at my grandpa's house; looking through old photographs and searching for important documents that would be needed. Although Kira is a massive part of our family now, I still feel the need to thank her for crying with us and making us laugh at the same time. We laughed in that room that same day and it was much needed.
While at my grandpa's the Relief Society President stopped by. (Please keep in mind that the roads were bad and it was TWO days before Christmas). She wanted to know what size temple dress to buy my grandma. She proceeded to pick it up for her and bring it by later with dinner. How she had the time, or found a way to offer the time to help our family in this way, I do not know. I do know, however, that we were incredibly appreciative. I do love the church for all of those little things as well. The Relief Society stepping in like that and catering the funeral, setting up the tables, and bringing dinners to us. It's really remarkable actually. What charity can do.
As the days passed the goodness of people just became more clear. Misty and her mother brought us cookies and incredibly sympathetic cards that meant so much to my family. Ken and Misty offered me their home. I wouldn't have to wake up alone the day of the funeral. Not only would I not be alone, but I would be with someone who understood. Misty and her mom spent most of their Monday at the funeral, burial, and luncheon. Sarah texted and wrote and offered to give me time. She recently lost her grandparents, she not only knew ,but she cared. When Jonnie found out I got a text from him...I knew he understood. He knows how important my grandma was to me. His text made me cry...as did the ones to follow. Jessica and then Josh. Like I said, simply acknowledging it meant more than anything.
Zach's dad put his hand on my shoulder on Christmas Eve and asked me how I was. He followed it up with a few messages telling me to keep my chin up "All is well!"Many other people were incredible; Cathy offered prayers and thoughts, the funeral director was AMAZING--so kind and genuine, the man who put together the slide show (he and his wife both cried with us), my grandpa's home teachers who indulged him and watched the slide show (one of them even cried), Tara and Jen cried with me at church. Carma sent me a card and then emailed me to check up on me. Mom's work sent her flowers. Dad's family sent flowers. Family through marriage called, wrote, and sent condolences.
I feel blessed to see the good through something I consider so tragic. I want to publicly thank those of you who took part in that. Thank you! Those actions have helped strengthen me...I love you! I love the good in people...I am so grateful to KNOW that it really is there!
People are good.
The morning that we lost my grandma is a memory that I try to forget. It was painful. Our family was crammed into a waiting room that the hospital staff convinced us to visit, probably because we were making visitors uncomfortable as I sat, doubled over, in front of the elevators (somehow social graces escape you at times like that). We took turns hugging, bawling, remembering, in this little room. As we did so we were able to visit with two ministers from the hospital chapel. They talked with us and asked us questions about my grandma. They knew that we just needed to tell them who she was. They asked about her relationship with each one of us. They offered us comfort. Yes, I know it was their job, but they went above and beyond.
The nurse who gave us the news was aching, and it was clear. The nurse on duty in my grandma's room followed my mom and I out to hug us as we left the hospital that morning. She told us she was so sorry. She didn't have to do that.
I had called Misty and Zach and I had been texting that morning prior to even going to the hospital. I called Misty and she cried with me. I texted Zach and he was at my house waiting for me before I even got there. He is a new addition to our family and he stayed with me all day.
Ken texted me his condolences. Jake and Tara texted me their condolences as Zach filled them in. Natasha and Austin texted Zach to let him know the situation and to see how I was doing. Mind you, I have not known them long, at all. Texts may seem informal, but it's just that someone says they're sorry. Just acknowledging that I lost something meant EVERYTHING to me at the time.
We spent the day at my grandpa's house; looking through old photographs and searching for important documents that would be needed. Although Kira is a massive part of our family now, I still feel the need to thank her for crying with us and making us laugh at the same time. We laughed in that room that same day and it was much needed.
While at my grandpa's the Relief Society President stopped by. (Please keep in mind that the roads were bad and it was TWO days before Christmas). She wanted to know what size temple dress to buy my grandma. She proceeded to pick it up for her and bring it by later with dinner. How she had the time, or found a way to offer the time to help our family in this way, I do not know. I do know, however, that we were incredibly appreciative. I do love the church for all of those little things as well. The Relief Society stepping in like that and catering the funeral, setting up the tables, and bringing dinners to us. It's really remarkable actually. What charity can do.
As the days passed the goodness of people just became more clear. Misty and her mother brought us cookies and incredibly sympathetic cards that meant so much to my family. Ken and Misty offered me their home. I wouldn't have to wake up alone the day of the funeral. Not only would I not be alone, but I would be with someone who understood. Misty and her mom spent most of their Monday at the funeral, burial, and luncheon. Sarah texted and wrote and offered to give me time. She recently lost her grandparents, she not only knew ,but she cared. When Jonnie found out I got a text from him...I knew he understood. He knows how important my grandma was to me. His text made me cry...as did the ones to follow. Jessica and then Josh. Like I said, simply acknowledging it meant more than anything.
Zach's dad put his hand on my shoulder on Christmas Eve and asked me how I was. He followed it up with a few messages telling me to keep my chin up "All is well!"Many other people were incredible; Cathy offered prayers and thoughts, the funeral director was AMAZING--so kind and genuine, the man who put together the slide show (he and his wife both cried with us), my grandpa's home teachers who indulged him and watched the slide show (one of them even cried), Tara and Jen cried with me at church. Carma sent me a card and then emailed me to check up on me. Mom's work sent her flowers. Dad's family sent flowers. Family through marriage called, wrote, and sent condolences.
I feel blessed to see the good through something I consider so tragic. I want to publicly thank those of you who took part in that. Thank you! Those actions have helped strengthen me...I love you! I love the good in people...I am so grateful to KNOW that it really is there!
People are good.
Friday, January 2, 2009
I LOVE YOU GRANDMA!
I'm really not ready to write or talk about any of this yet. But I came across this paper I wrote in May of 2003. I wrote it for my grandma and it's a little cheesy but I REALLY don't care and I'd like to share it with those of you that care...thanks in advance...
My Best TeacherHer voice is calm and soothing as she offers me advice on the recent fight that I have had with my best friend. She holds my hand while I sit in my talking chair--crying to her. Grandma reassures me that it will all turn out okay, shares a personal story of her past, and tells me what she thinks I ought to do. Her suggestions are always the "right" thing to do--she always urges me to apologize or forgive, she never agrees with me being proud or stubborn. She does laugh at me, though. She laughs at my opinions and my attitude, and always finishes her laugh with, "Sharlee Rose." I will then bend down to hug her, thank her, and kiss her forehead. Her skin is always soft due to her nightstand full of lotions, powders, and body sprays. She is the epitome of woman; always clean and always soft.
My grandma means the world to me. She is the woman who taught me how to read and the one who babysat my dolls after each Christmas. She is the one that I watch "Days of Our Lives" and poke fun at the bad acting and bad story lines with. She is the one who calls my cell phone at night to ask me how I did on a test that I had only briefly mentioned. She is the one who prays for me when I ask and especially when I don't. She is the one who gave me money at a time when I really needed it; she just knew I needed it--I didn't ask or hint. She's the one, who after giving me the money, told me that it would be "our little secret."
My grandma is my grandma, it is almost as though she was chosen just for me. As may times as I tell her that, I don't think she'll ever really get it. I need her; she is my strength. She is the one who tells me that it's okay for me to cry and get upset when everyone else tells me not to. She is the one who gets excited for me when I get a "C" on my geology test because it's not the grade, "at least I am doing it and at least I'm learning something." I can't remember a time when I have called Grandma or visited her because I was disappointed in myself or out of sorts about something and she didn't make me feel better. Grandma is my encouragement, she is always telling me "you're a solid gold Cadillac!"
I love my grandma because she is all of those things: she's the prayer I don't expect, the encouragement I don't deserve, and the kind and forgiving attitude that I will never measure up to. I also love my grandma because she makes obscene comments that strike everyone but me as disturbing. I, on the other hand, just laugh. I love her because she sits inside on the Fourth of July with her ears plugged. I love her because she screams the same thing 3 times before my grandpa will acknowledge her. I love her because she orders me around in the kitchen---always commenting on how nervous my left hand is making her. I love her for all that she is. She is such an incredible twist of something that I cannot even pinpoint. She's my grandma. She makes me laugh, she lets me cry, she offers me advice, and she gives me unconditional love.
That is probably my grandma's best trait: unconditional love. I have seen it displayed by her with EVERYONE, even when I don't want her to. She is someone who easily forgives and always, always loves. With all of her talents with children, her sense of humor, and her sweetness--it's difficult to imagine that she can top all of those traits and talents with her love--but does she ever! She loves her children, her grandchildren, her primary kids, her neighbor kids, and her husband.
I always leave Grandma's house with tears in my eyes and a prayer in my heart, thanking my Heavenly Father for the incredible gift of a grandmother like her. She is one in a million and one of my very best friends.
My Best TeacherMy grandma means the world to me. She is the woman who taught me how to read and the one who babysat my dolls after each Christmas. She is the one that I watch "Days of Our Lives" and poke fun at the bad acting and bad story lines with. She is the one who calls my cell phone at night to ask me how I did on a test that I had only briefly mentioned. She is the one who prays for me when I ask and especially when I don't. She is the one who gave me money at a time when I really needed it; she just knew I needed it--I didn't ask or hint. She's the one, who after giving me the money, told me that it would be "our little secret."
My grandma is my grandma, it is almost as though she was chosen just for me. As may times as I tell her that, I don't think she'll ever really get it. I need her; she is my strength. She is the one who tells me that it's okay for me to cry and get upset when everyone else tells me not to. She is the one who gets excited for me when I get a "C" on my geology test because it's not the grade, "at least I am doing it and at least I'm learning something." I can't remember a time when I have called Grandma or visited her because I was disappointed in myself or out of sorts about something and she didn't make me feel better. Grandma is my encouragement, she is always telling me "you're a solid gold Cadillac!"
I love my grandma because she is all of those things: she's the prayer I don't expect, the encouragement I don't deserve, and the kind and forgiving attitude that I will never measure up to. I also love my grandma because she makes obscene comments that strike everyone but me as disturbing. I, on the other hand, just laugh. I love her because she sits inside on the Fourth of July with her ears plugged. I love her because she screams the same thing 3 times before my grandpa will acknowledge her. I love her because she orders me around in the kitchen---always commenting on how nervous my left hand is making her. I love her for all that she is. She is such an incredible twist of something that I cannot even pinpoint. She's my grandma. She makes me laugh, she lets me cry, she offers me advice, and she gives me unconditional love.
That is probably my grandma's best trait: unconditional love. I have seen it displayed by her with EVERYONE, even when I don't want her to. She is someone who easily forgives and always, always loves. With all of her talents with children, her sense of humor, and her sweetness--it's difficult to imagine that she can top all of those traits and talents with her love--but does she ever! She loves her children, her grandchildren, her primary kids, her neighbor kids, and her husband.
I always leave Grandma's house with tears in my eyes and a prayer in my heart, thanking my Heavenly Father for the incredible gift of a grandmother like her. She is one in a million and one of my very best friends.
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