Words I'm Going to Start Living By

This weekend I had a big. fat. epiphany.
I was pondering on some things that I was watching someone else do...and I realized that in my own way I do it too. This quote came to mind:

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us, it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others. "
--Marianne Williamson

I'd just like to discuss some of the aspects of this quote that go hand in hand with what I've been thinking.
Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that others won't feel insecure around you.
How often do we do this?
How often have I downplayed some of my blessings.
My wonderful family, friends, and yes husband.
Somehow sometimes I feel bad that I have these things.
Or that I've taken a vacation.
Or purchased something new.
Or done something fun and exciting.
At work, I really try not to play small too much.
I will tell my boss when I feel like I've been successful or done something right.
He's actually taught me to do that...to toot my own horn, if you will.
And I'm learning...at work.
But I still downplay my personal life.
Quite a bit. I feel bad that I love my husband and would rather spend time with him than the "girls." I either feel like they'll think I'm dumb or they feel like I am still a newlywed and eventually the honeymoon will "end." And so I don't really express how much fun I have at home with Zach or how much I like spending time with him.
But really, why not?
Who am I hurting by covering up my happiness?

I feel guilty sometimes that I still have good girlfriends from before marriage.
There's a different kind of relationship there, and I definitely think it can leave others envious at times.
I sometimes have felt bad about sharing Misty's position in my life. That we are the best of friends. For forever.
So I've been known to consciously tell someone something like, "But I don't see her that often. I'm a bad friend."
To water down the beauty of our friendship.
And I've done it knowingly.

When I talk about other friends, I feel like I downplay their importance in my life.
And more importantly, my love for them.
I love differently, but there's something to be said for the love I have for Misty, Jonnie, Sarah, Natasha, Jennifer, and Aleisha.
Some of that love goes beyond a family kind of love.

Why?
Why shouldn't others know about my blessings?
Maybe they'd be more comfortable sharing theirs?
Or maybe they'd look for them more?
Or perhaps they'd seek some of the things I have?

I know that I have friends that are very ambitious in their work.
Or maybe they're really good with their money and are very deserving of the things that come their way as a result of the choices they've made.
I know that I could feel envious of them and just bad about myself for all that I'm lacking.
But if I'm ever aware of my blessings and I let the beauty of my life shine.
I think I'm just more likely to come home and tell Zach that I want more.
More out of myself.
More discipline.
More education.
More ambition.
Not necessarily this minute, but I'm not done.

And if we all help each other to keep from settling.
To keep from using that awful word: content.
Wouldn't that make the world a better place?
Wouldn't we truly be serving the world?

I think so.

What's worse than being content is to be blind to your blessings.
To publicly deny them.
That's just plain ugly.

I don't know about you, but I think I was meant to be beautiful.
I want to be beautiful.
So I think I'm going to try a little harder...to let my light really shine.